Today I walked into my AP Biology class and sat down in my seat. I looked to my left at the weekly chart of assignments on the chalkboard, and my heart dropped as I saw that we had a Latin prefix and suffix quiz planned. However, before I could finish scanning over my classmate's study sheet we were all shuffled into the lab to spend the class period making up an experiment that our teacher had botched yesterday. But alas, she botched the preparations again and now our quiz is pushed to Monday. I hadn't given any thought whatsoever to that quiz and I cannot believe everything worked out the way it did. Now I have all the time in the world to worry about it, after I give adequate thought to the AP European History test I have tomorrow and the quiz I have in Analysis.
I can't help but think that these things are all happening because I'm meant to succeed. I've got to be saved up for something great. That gives me hope. The depression is back 100% and this possibility of grandeur keeps me motivated to do some things... I'm trying really hard, ok? I am. It's absolutely amazing that I've made it this far with my reputation for losing it at some point during the school year. I am incredibly unstable. Completely reliable in a professional setting, but coming apart at the seams just below the surface 24/7. I always make it through the year with a cumulative GPA of 3.5 or higher, and that can only be attributed to sheer luck. Something is looking out for me, and you know what? I am so grateful.
Now for a word to those who aren't so lucky: please, don't give up on anything. My luck only makes my acheivements seem sporadic and something that I didn't work for. But your perseverance magnifies everything you do, and makes you a stronger and more admirable person.
Sometimes the guilt drives me nuts. I don't deserve the extra help, but I'm so dependent upon it. I still need it.
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